There are three words I like to keep in the forefront of life. These three words will help you in everything you attempt as a spouse, parent or one on the journey. The first word is "Celebrate". Life is beautiful! Even challenges or "problems" have the effect of leading us on our journey. We face anything that comes along better or at least differently when we celebrate the fact that one way or another everything is a part of our journey. Celebrate everything good. If for no other reason, celebrate surviving the latest blow you've had to endure. Dig deep, celebrate your children's every good deed, every good moment. Look for things to celebrate in the people around you, throw a party for your spouse not because it is their birthday, or anniversary, but just because you are celebrating them. See what happens when you truly begin to celebrate the lives of people close to you rather than live in the "miser loves company" mantra.
I admire the work of Howard Glasser with
www.difficultchild.com. In his book
Transforming the Difficult Child, the Nurtured Heart Approach, he emphasizes how a parent's energy is the greatest reward we can give our children. He describes how a child with a lot of intensity is often described as hyperactive and how our culture has decided to try to eliminate intensity in children, especially with medication. He has had great success helping ADD and ADHD children and their parents with a quite simple approach that celebrates the successes of these children and puts adult energy to work creating success for the child. A child who learns that they do have control over their success and that success will be noticed and celebrated more than their misbehaviors repeats the success instead of more misbehavior.
I believe the same principles can be applied to adult relationships and the outcome is tremendously rewarding.
The second word is Encouragement. Don't you think that the world has enough critical people in it, that there is absolutely nothing special about discouraging moments, comments or attitudes. What if you create a world where encouragement is the M O. Do you think that when your child has created one of those moments that usually sends you as the parent into a tirade, or that when they have found themselves in the principle's office, etc. that more discouragement, more criticism is the need? Try using the issue as an opportunity to encourage them about how people overcome, how they are not messed up, how you see all their potential and strength. Do you really think that all that criticism is helping your spouse overcome the things that irritate you? Come on, try encourageing them about thier own life. They are probably wondering about you too and if you build them up and are the one who they can rely on to give them encouragement and strength, they will love you for it.
The last word is "Purpose". The idea that human beings can choose how to act and react, that we can take initiative to create a purpose to fit any obstacle, challenge or heartache is the power that makes us truly human. To choose to love when other's may beleive that all that can happen is the making of enemies, this is a wonderful thing. To decide that you can put a noble purpose to anything you set your hand to do is to make life meaningful instead of just endured. Imagine living on purpose to express love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, self-control, loyalty, endurance, wisdom. We are no longer victims when we make choices and when we make choices we may not determine the outcome of a situation but we determine the outcome of the outcome. What if we parent our children not only as caretakers but as purposeful to empower the next generation of leadership for families and nation. What if we view our marriage as part of the solution for the social ills of dysfunctional families and we live on purpose to keep the one marriage we can help as part of the solution not another part of the problem. We can make these choices and "purpose" is the word for these choices. The phenominal success of the book by Rick Warren,
The Purpose Driven Life www.purposedriven.com is testimony to the hunger people have for finding true purpose. The first chapter states that our main purpose is that it is all about God. That is the first step on "The Journey". When we start living on purpose for the one who created us, as human beings, as spouses, as parents, we find all other things falling into a better scenario. Humans will always resist this idea at first but for those who accept it, purpose is much easier to find.
It can be a great JOURNEY!
